Full Description
"I Run, Therefore I Am-Nuts!" takes a funny look at the peculiarities, quirks, and obsessions of runners of all abilities. Whether you fall in the middle of the pack, up near the front of the pack, or so far from any semblance of a pack that you're wondering if everyone went home already, you'll find plenty to laugh about in this book. "I Run, Therefore I Am-Nuts!" is a comical examination of events that are near and dear to every runner's well-conditioned heart. As the Dave Barry of running, popular running humorist Bob Schwartz pokes fun at the idiosyncratic personalities of runners and the funny situations they encounter in training, eating, racing, preparing for races, and revolving their everyday lives around running. "I Run, Therefore I Am-Nuts!" brings out the humor in situations that every type of runner can relate to the intricate art of drinking on the run from paper cups, trying to reacquaint fingers to toes after years of tight hamstrings, hitting the wall, having your heart flutter with the newest cushioned training shoe; discovering cross-training contraptions designed to strengthen your gluteus to its maximus; getting excited about the latest flavor of energy gel on the market. As any runner with tight hamstrings and a funny bone would, you'll laugh your way through these and many other amusing stories illustrated with cartoons by artist B.K. Taylor, whose drawings have appeared in many national publications, including "Mad Magazine" and "National Lampoon". Author Bob Schwartz is America's funniest running writer. An avid, slightly over-the-top runner himself, he has completed countless marathons (but laments that excessive glycogen depletion at the finish prevents him from fully remembering each one) as well as all race distances from the 200 Meter Kids Snowman Shuffle (where he finished second after edging out a four-year-old at the finish line) to an ultramarathon of 50 miles (a feat he has no intention of repeating). In addition to his weekly syndicated newspaper column, he has had hundreds of humorous essays published in national and regional publications, including "Runner's World", "FootNotes", and "Fitness Runner". For anyone who loves the aromatic smell of perspiration, who enjoys the exhilaration of exhaustion, who drinks solely from squirt bottles, or whose wardrobe is filled with reflective clothing - this book is for you.
Contents
Part I Training: Avoiding the Fall From Pace and Belly Smacking Into the Lactic Acid Pool; Chapter 1 Rules to Run By (Heh, Heh, Heh); Chapter 2 Just Call Me Gumby; Chapter 3 I'm Treadmill Man, Hear the Hum; Chapter 4 Around the Learning Curve; Chapter 5 Kenyan Water Aerobics; Part II Racing: The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Da Feet; Chapter 6 Runner Mutation; Chapter 7 Not So Scarlet Letters; Chapter 8 City of Lard, Here I Come; Chapter 9 Parade Charade; Chapter 10 Introduction to Ingurgitation; Chapter 11 Send in the Clowns; Chapter 12 Turkey Lemmings; Part III The Mind-Set of the Distance Runner: The Plentiful Peculiarities of the Perspiring Fanatic; Chapter 13 Trick or Feet; Chapter 14 A Streak Isn't for the Meek; Chapter 15 Loony Ways of the Wayward Runner; Chapter 16 Mind of the Lost; Chapter 17 Shoe-Be-Do-Be-I-Did; Chapter 18 How Many Virtual Miles Do You Have?; Chapter 19 The Runner's Better Half; Part IV The Runner's Multiple Skills: Abilities Uncovered in the Unbearable Heaviness of Breathing; Chapter 20 Tegla Take Two; Chapter 21 Aggrandizement Amplified; Chapter 22 Get Your Groove Thing; Chapter 23 You Can't Lose Me Now; Chapter 24 Exhilaration of Exhaustion; Part V Nutrition and Recovery: The Search for the Holy Snail and the Joy of C3-Couch, Chips, Clicker; Chapter 25 On My Way Back to Candyland; Chapter 26 It's All in the Drool; Chapter 27 The Idle Truth; Chapter 28 The Missing Drink; Part VI The Marathon: Would We Be Doing Any of This if Pheidippides Had Been in Just a Little Better Shape?; Chapter 29 Marathon Madness; Chapter 30 From the Plains of Greece We Come; Chapter 31 Rookie Runner, Hear My Words; Chapter 32 The Answer Is Going to Be Yes; Chapter 33 Coach Rod and the Zone; Part VII Injuries: What Tunes Does the Iliotibial Band Play?; Chapter 34 The Endorphinless Runner's Low; Chapter 35 Name That Ailment; Chapter 36 Run to Glory, or at Least the End of the Block; Part VIII Aging Gracefully: If I'd Known it Could Be So Fun, I'd Have Done It Sooner; Chapter 37 Lifetime Taper for a Masterous Peak; Chapter 38 Which Way Did It Go?; Part IX Competition and Effort: I'd Whoop My Grandma in Tiddlywinks!; Chapter 39 Battle in the Basement; Chapter 40 Nocturnal Decathlon; Chapter 41 Yo, Einstein! Recognize a Pattern Here?; Chapter 42 Running Matters; Chapter 43 Best Laid Plans; Part X Motivation: To Thine Own Sole Be True; Chapter 44 The Motivator in a Hat; Chapter 45 A Very Calculating Man; Chapter 46 Procrastinate Now; Chapter 47 Twin Theories of Running Resourcefulness.
